While your tell was impetuous and made up of the bitterness of your disappointment, many reasonable people would have done the same thing in the same situation, including me. It doesn’t excuse it, but it does mean most of us don’t hold it against you, since it would be so easy for us to do too. It’s not about what the drop was as much as how badly you wanted it. We’ve all wanted things that bad.

In my guild, we had a problem with people rolling on upgrades that were better for others. The real problem was that nobody ever told anyone when they desperately wanted a drop, so people who didn’t care as much rolled and sometimes won.

The official fix? The officers began to encourage members to talk about loot and tell each other ahead of time what slot they were really hoping to upgrade.

I know it’s too late for the situation above, but I think if you just talk to the other paladins (or whichever class you’re on) and say “I’ll probably pass on most items for you, but what I’m really looking for is a good healing weapon upgrade” at the start of every raid, they’ll totally understand and you can avoid having to deal with the guilt of strong negative emotions if they roll against you in ignorance.

I even did this in VOA when I pugged it — I’d whisper the other druids and let them know “I’m only rolling on healing PVP gear.” Sometimes they would be too, but sometimes they’d let me know “I just want feral, so we’re good.” That way, we’d both pass on what the other wanted and wouldn’t get into a “But I’d be USING IT and it’s just your offspec!” fiasco.

/comfort
/chocolate

Try not to beat yourself up too much. If the other pally doesn’t hold it against you, it’s okay to let it go and just remember it as a learning experience.

We sometimes do alts runs, or 10-mans when we have to pug a few people to fill a spot. So those runs have strict rules : need 1st spec, then 2nd spec, one loot per run unless noone wants it, and the orbs at the end for people without loot, or for the guild bank in 25-man, shards for the guild bank too. I just trust people.

But I have been in a situation a bit like yours. I was in a pug ToC25, and loot rule was like above : roll if needed with priorities and one loot per run. I had a few guildies there too, often with their alt, because their mains, unlike me, were linked to 25 ToC with the guild. I badly needed the range weapon on Jarraxxus (I’m a hunter). And one of the alts of the guild won the xbow… And he began to brag about it in guild chat, saying he was so lucky to get this uber xbow on his alt he plays once a month…

And I said nothing. I stayed there bitting my lips. I needed this weapon because I’m in a very competitive guild and needed to get the best gear to have a chance at heroic runs. I was new to the guild and didn’t dare talk to that person and ask if I could trade the xbow for a crusader orb I’d won the next roll. Silly useless orb…

I just, like you, felt really bad about asking someone after they won the roll. I never asked. I regret it very much, you can’t imagine. I still haven’t seen this weapon drop again and have not upgraded my range weapon yet. I haven’t been accepted in heroic runs either. I’m sure he wouldn’t have mind trading me the xbow, because my hunter is my main and every upgrade is good for the guild. And I’m sure he would have made good use of the orb (I sold it 1400 gold).

You see, this kind of situation is not good anyway. If I’d ask, I’d been like you, just regretting that move I feel is not right, but I regret very much not having ask, because gear is somewhat important at my level if I want to be useful for the guild.

I sometimes do runs with my druid too, on another server, with friends, and would never take an item over a main character because they need that character to be upgraded in the guild, when my druid is just there to have some fun with friends. I sometimes get /w :
“Why didn’t you roll, your *insert item here* is crappy !”
“Yes but Tree/Priest needed it more”
“But you deserve it”
“It’s not about deserving it or not”…
It’s just I would not feel right to take an item over a main character, and I know I am be very pissed off when an alt rolls again my hunter. Some people do not understand.

I’m sure your guildie felt bad too, when he realized he’d taken that mace when you needed it really much. Sometimes, people just roll and are happy with their shinny new purple, but when faced with others, when they realize that someone needed it more than they do, they don’t mind trading it, it’s fair to share the purple love.
Cause RNG has no love or heart, but making a gift to a guildie when RNG was bad, makes people happy.

Don’t feel bad Beru !

I would say that you acted in a very mature manner. Anyone who was in your situation would understand the frustration and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it. He was obviously very understanding about it, and was willing to pass you the mace no questions asked.

Now the fact that you followed up and even made a gift for the guy goes beyond what was required. Just be very grateful for his considerate nature, and give yourself some credit. you shouldn’t feel guilty over this, it was rightly obtained. Not like you ninja’d the darn thing!

Keep up the attitude, you got the right mindset!

and maybe changing the loot rules a little to a one loot per person unless no one wants it might help?

keep up the great blog. i enjoy reading it! =D

Like many, in our alt/pug runs, we do announce at the beginning it is open roll, but that we also ask people to only get one item a night.

No loot system is perfect.
No loot system is perfect.
No loot system is perfect.

There’s always going to be some concerns/frustrations and all of us have been ‘shafted’ at times.

Do the best you can, play fair, and if you get loot, rejoice! You may not have been perfect, but honestly, neither was the pally. He should have passed to you. I personally would have asked before he rolled – would you mind if I take it? and linked my ghetto mace. Then if he rolls, it’s up to him.

But yes, the simple rule of one loot per night can help a lot. Otherwise, it’s all up to the RNG gods!

Of course, being the party that hadn’t taken anything and had passed on lots of things, it is also very easy to be aware of what was or was not taken as well

I would agree, I think, that he didn’t mean to be greedy. There was no hesitation to pass the mace to me when I said something, which makes me wonder if he only rolled because he thought I had lost it to the priest that had already taken an item, not realizing that the priest was ineligible for the item. Although, he also had the option to pass without me saying anything and didn’t…but again, he just maybe didn’t realize the impact this particular item would have on me.

Had the situations been reversed, I would have openly passed on it…but that is just me and I tend to be very concientious of what loots I take and what other people are using before taking an item.

I certainly don’t mean to excuse my behaviour by any means, just explain some of my frustrations a bit. I wasn’t rude to him, or demanding, I just expressed my disapointment a bit…and I did it privately. I didn’t make a huge ordeal or drama production about it, although I am sure others in the raid knew I was upset/frustrated.

That being said, it is something I certainly will not do again.