Over the years, I have had raiders make subtle remarks that maybe I wasn’t cutting it, due to the fact I couldn’t use vent, and it was hard for me not to take that personal. I’ve even had people tell me bluntly that I could never raid without vent. However, I would also remind that I’m a very good healer and that it’s remarkable enough that I raid at that level without vent. So I would say, “I get that, but then I’m not the one who needs vent to get call outs to move out of fire/hammer/lava waves, whatever, so what’s really the issue?” or something to that effect and that will shut people up. Like you, I worked hard to get where I am, and I won’t let anyone tell me otherwise, that I suck, because I know I don’t.

So, at the end of the day, you know you are a good healer, and you have that confidence in you. You need to find that again, and say, “Hey, you know what? I bust my ass, and I do my best. If you have an issue, tell me, otherwise, cut it out, it’s getting old.” Although, I would suggest approaching people individually to talk to them. If they love and respect you, they’ll apologize, “Sorry, Beru, I didn’t know that bothered you!” or if they really have issues, they should talk to you, and you can go from there with them. It’s not that you can’t take a joke, it’s just getting old if the jokes were made in jest. If there is really an issue, you’d rather have people be straightforward with you so you can resolve that.

Do not let your pride be your weakness, and say, “I’m good enough,” make it your strength and say, “I’m good. How can I get better so I can continue to be the very best I am?” Even the teacher amongst students must continue learning.

All the very best.

However, permit me to play armchair psychologist for a minute. I might be completely wrong or off-base, though, so take with a grain of salt. I also apologize is this oversteps my bounds as commenter or random person on the Internet.

Maybe this problem is symptomatic of a deeper fear or worry. You mentioned that, ” I think the feeling probably started creeping in when my hands started bothering me a number of months back.” Maybe unconsciously, you are more worried about your hands than you know. That you fear they may be permanently damaged and that could lead to problems in more than just WoW.

I’m not saying that the problems with your guild aren’t real, but maybe it’s not so much about you making mistakes, and guildies commenting. Maybe the real, deep problem is the fact that your body or hands are betraying you, in a manner of speaking. An incipient fear of mortality, if you will. And it’s manifesting in these surface frustrations with your guild, which in better times you probably would have just shrugged off.

A lot of people privately thanked me for cracking down on the inappropriate members. And for the new members, it clearly set an example of what was and wasn’t tolerated. I have to keep reminding myself that not everyone will know ‘how the guild is’ especially during tense progression. I felt that if I didn’t do anything, the nasty whispers would start to undermine authority–as it was, mild cleanup had to be done even after just a few weeks. I know it was a bit different of a situation, with the friends of that one raider completely off-the-deep end, as opposed to subtle jabs during raid, but it adds up. Come to think of it, that raider from time to time would be like ‘why is your dps low on Shannox? I bet you’re not getting traps but still are low’ and him getting constantly reprimanded for such comments led to the fault lines becoming a lot clearer.

I know in the short term, keeping everyone happy is good. But when it starts to undermine the guild’s fabric (and I feel, for server-first guilds that aren’t pushing world firsts, having a good ‘atmosphere’ and ‘fit’ is a recruitment selling point), sometimes short-term sacrifices have to be made for the long-term. Ultimately, your guild is different than mine–and I’m a general officer as opposed to a raid leader–and also, I know there’s a fine line between the jokey atmosphere prevalent in my guild and bashing. But I think that if someone is making you feel helpless or unwanted in the guild you helped to build, it’s time to analyze why and come up with solutions. Heroic Rag is going to be a grind and everyone needs to be as respectful and productive as possible to make the learning process less painful. Best of luck.

The way I see it for myself and you as well, is that. These people aren’t right for you. Sure you may have been with them for awhile. But it’s due to that general comfortability with people, people stop realising their jabs can start forming into something more than just words from a stranger.

I think the problem is you need change. I know I do, whether it be a change of scenery or what not. You need people who appreciate you and respect you, but at the same time know when to joke around.

The thing about my nature is that it is very similar to this quote “Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you – not because they are nice, but because you are.”

You see the thing about being nice to everyone is, you often end up finding yourself in cruel situations. But hey, sometimes you have to draw the line. Otherwise people are just going to keep crossing it.

Best of wishes and luck to you, and I hope you get yourself out of this situation. I truly do understand. So I left this message to let you know that you are not alone in this circumstance.

(Bottom-line is there are not alot of good people out there)

*Salutes you with respect*

I’m still not entirely sure that I have an answer to that query

I don’t take a lot of shit often. And I am generally able to let a lot of things wash over me. But the waves crashing on the shore too will still turn even the largest rocks into sand. I don’t think there is any shame in admitting weakness, or trying to work through your feelings on something.

Part of the reason that I’ve put my thoughts here is to try and work though them and see if after some thought and opinions of others I feel the same way about them as I did when I posted. I have a lot going on that is only tangentially related to the game, yet still having an affect on it. I can’t help but wondering if that is coloring my reactions to an extent.

I would have to 100% agree that perfectionism is not an asset or a virtue. And I would also agree that I am absolutely afraid of failure. Brade and I have had this conversation many times. Part of why I am so stubborn is that failing just isn’t an option. And that’s the way I was raised and have viewed many things in my life as far back as I can remember. It’s also why it’s so hard to just let some things go