I’ve been struggling with depression since I was 12, but it wasn’t diagnosed until I was 25 — and even then, it took me a while to come to grips with it. I’ve felt what I think is normal for about eight months out of the last ten years — while I was pregnant with my youngest AND on Paxil (which now they don’t recommend, but we didn’t know that then). It was amazing. But after he was born my hormones changed and I’ve been trying to get back to that state since. It’s not been fun. But one of the curiously freeing things about accepting my diagnosis is that even when it’s out of control, even when it feels really terrible I know what it is. I can take a step back and remind myself that it will get better. I’m not stupid, I’m not a horrible person, I’m not worthless or a failure — I have a common sickness, like asthma or diabetes, and I take medicine for it like any chronic condition. I can’t help that the chemicals in my brain are imbalanced — I just have to work around it, and with it. And while I work hard at it every day, sometimes it’s okay to go to bed early and try again tomorrow.

Everyone is different. Not all depression is created equal; yours may subside entirely once you change meds, or it may be something you need to deal with for a long time. You may need medication or you may not. But few people can deal with these issues alone. Talk to your doctor, talk to Brade, talk to your friends. It will get better, and I hope the path is easy for you. But you’ve got lots of support even if it’s not.

Please take care of yourself, Beru.

Thank you so much.

~Beru

Being agitated or uncomfortable on Celebrex when it’s used for fibromyalgia is probably more due to that drug not being ideal for the condition than anything else. Lyrica makes far more sense in fibro.

Two years ago, before my son was born, I really spiraled into the worst depression I’ve known.

After he was born, I had to make a choice between doing something about it or just loosing everything.

I’ve been on anti-depressants for a year, anti-anxiety for a few months, and in therapy for about six months. Life is a lot better.

I hate knowing that I’m chemically dependent, possibly for the reset of my life, but I had to realize that maybe my chemistry was off, and it took this solution to make me feel like a human being again.

I had a huge issue with accepting the fact that I needed medication. Now, I can’t imagine living the way I did before, with the fear, depression, anxiety and anger.

Good luck!

This is great news for you, it means that you are on the road to recover (specially if it was just a chemical imbalance.)

The first step is always finding out that you are suffering from it, and being able to accept it. There is a huge stigma about it and somehow people associated with weakness or not being able to get over. I was kind of like that until I myself found depression.

Mine was caused more by an environment change than anything going on with my chemistry. I was in a such a high stress situation that I started to find it very difficult to concentrate… something that a computer programmer has to be able to do.

I eventually removed myself from the situation but also had some help getting my chemistry back in balance. I understood that like any other organ that has a deficiency, you treat your brain. It helped a lot, but I was yet not an expert in the subject, I still I am not.

My wife suffers from clinical depression and has been taken medication for years. It sucks a lot some day, but with patience, love and great communication (which you seem to have with your significant other) we have dealt with it. Every day things get better and even though the winter can still be difficult, we have been trying out a sun lamp and it helps.

Getting your chemistry in order will do wonders, but it also has to come with a improved thought process. If you are feeling worthless, share that… I am sure there are plenty of people that will make you see how untrue that thought is. I know I personally enjoy what you write, and from being a blogger for so long feel empathy and a connection with others through their words. Your post have had very positive effects on my life as well, I have even shared some of them with my wife.

I wish you the best on your journey and I am glad that you are brave enough to share this! It can help others just hope you hear them when they tell you how much it helps.

My depression isn’t a personal thing to me. It’s something that I end up wearing on my sleeve where everyone can see it. I have been ‘depressed’ since I was 12 years old. At first, you just struggle to live through it. But eventually, I ended up developing some coping mechanisms. I don’t think they were particularly healthy but hell, I was 12 years old! As I got old, I ended up in therapy. And I would get ‘better’ and then I’d get ‘worse’. When I got the birth control shot, I went manic. (I don’t get good manic, I get angry/raving manic.) I became a raving bitch. My body couldn’t handle the hormones. Eventually, when the hormones faded, I fell into a deep depression and ended up quitting my job and laying in bed all day.

My doctor started putting me anti-depressants. And I’d get better for a bit, then crash, then get better, and then crash. This happened a lot.

Now, when I’m depressed, I spend a lot of time in bed, or watching tv, or reading books. I know that what I NEED is the exact opposite of what I WANT. I want to sit and mope and be miserable. I don’t want to raid, I don’t want to talk to anyone. However, I have an amazing husband who pulls me around and forces me to interact with other people. I’m sure he gets sick and tired of being my rock but he hasn’t said anything. Brade seems to be the same way. He loves you and will support you with whatever you need to do. And honestly, that’s a huge HUGE bonus.

Depression sucks but it sucks worse when you think you’re all alone. You have Brade and I have J. And because of them, things end up better. Not as bleak.

/hug

You will get better. That is the one thing I have learned. Depression doesn’t last forever. And by the Earthmother, sometimes that is the only thing that I can cling too.