Thoughts on Respect   5 comments

I’ve been thinking a lot about respect the past couple of weeks, and more particularly how people or teams can earn or lose my respect. By definition respect is giving something or someone a “high or special regard” or “to consider worthy of high regard”. Respect is a strange thing. It often takes a lot of time to gain, but can be stripped away in a minute.

For me there are a few key things that will cause me to lose all respect for something or someone. Not being humble in successes, or gracious in struggles top that list. With regards to this I am often reminded that “modesty is attended with profit, arrogance brings on destruction”. I cannot stand people who gloat needlessly; regardless of if it’s the game winning touchdown or simply crossing a finish line first. It is the fastest way to lose my respect and likely never regain it. I have almost zero tolerance or patience for those who let their egos control their actions rather than their minds and morals.

That being said, not far behind is being dishonest or disingenuous – either as an individual or as an entity. I cannot stand being lied to, regardless of the reason. If you can’t be honest with those who trust you, then you are not worth respect. And to push that even further, if you can’t be honest with yourself then you can’t be honest with others. Which, again, means you are not worthy of respect. And if you lie to promote yourself at the cost of my friends, you can bet that you will never gain my respect again. Ever.

I think that they last thing I would put on this list today is those who quit when they are faced with a challenge, rather than find ways to overcome the challenge. I don’t really like quitters, and as such it’s probably natural that I have no respect for them. I often think that quitters run from things that are too difficult for them rather than work to find solutions. I often think they are so afraid of failure that they are too scared to attempt to succeed. Which brings to mind another one of my favorite sayings “what would you attempt if you knew you couldn’t fail”. What if you took out the possibility that you would fail, would you become fearless? Would you try things you never tried before? Fear of failure is a natural response for everyone, but it’s how you react to that fear that shapes your character as a person, and subsequently earns my respect.

You are all probably wondering why I bring all of this up, and the answer is simple: things have happened that have put it on my mind and made me really think about how I view earning and keeping respect. You see I pretty firmly believe that respect has to be earned, and that it is not freely given. It’s not easy to earn, at least from me. But on the flip side, it is incredibly easy to lose. And sadly, I have lost respect for quite a few people over the course of the past few weeks, but I have gained an enormous amount of respect for others.

I’m not really going to talk about those I’ve lost respect for the last few weeks, because they aren’t worth additional time or thought. I will, however, state that if you are reading this and fall into one of the two categories above, perhaps you should question what you are doing and how you are interacting with people. Even if I’m not referring to you, specifically, if it’s causing you to question if I am talking about you perhaps you should re-evaluate your interactions with people, as even if you have my respect, you’ve likely lost someone’s respect as a result. (Have I been vague enough for you and are you completely lost yet?)

Instead, I’m going to talk about some people who have earned my respect.

Monolith has had a bit of a rough start this expansion for any number of reasons. I think it all sort of culminated last week on Thursday, when he let a tank go mid-raid. But rather than worry over it, we kept chugging along. And despite not getting much time last night to work our new heroic boss because we working in a new tank, the raid was hardly phased. It turns out we could have spent much more time on the encounter than allocated – because somewhere between our struggles we started to click as a team.

And the fact that we had a few exceptionally terrible raid nights and collectively as a team decided not to let that get us down, and didn’t quit when things got hard, has earned a great deal of respect from me. The fact that no one so much batted an eye when we removed a player with a key role in our raid, and rather we just continued to push forward and work progression has earned a great deal of respect from me. And the fact that we have continued to remain focused on our progress and how we can improve as a team as we move forward has only solidified that respect.

We have often said that this is one of the best raid rosters we’ve ever had – but I sometimes think it’s for more than the simple reason that each person on it is strong individually. I think it’s because we largely enjoy gaming together, because we challenge ourselves and because we can collectively share in our successes and work through our failures. We’ve had a few bumps in the road, but at the end of the day perhaps those bumps were necessary to teach us that individual success does not automatically equate to team success. I am confident those bumps will smooth out, and have already started to do so as we’ve gotten more comfortable as a team. And as that happens it will be reflected in our continued progression. After all, I’ve always said that progression should merely be a by-product of hard work. While we’ve not progressed as quickly as we’d have liked right out of the gate, I am still having fun. And the reason for that is not because of how quickly we are killing things, or what arbitrary metric we are being measured by, but rather because I’m enjoying the time I am spending with the people that I’m succeeding with. And, honestly, that fact alone has given me a new level of respect for my raid team.

After the struggles that I felt last expansion, this is a welcome and refreshing feeling for me. I don’t know what changed. Perhaps my outlook, perhaps Brade’s rubbed off a little more on me. Perhaps I’m just in a better place over all (and maybe I’m simply feeling overly reflective with my wedding in less than a week). Regardless, there it is. And for the first time in a long time I look forward to raid nights and I’m excited to see a challenging boss. I don’t dread having to work on it; I simply know that we’ll get through it as we’ve always done. Quietly, with respect, and on our schedule.

In closing, I will leave you with the following thought: “The way to overcome the angry man is with gentleness, the evil man with goodness, the miser with generosity and the liar with truth.”

Posted October 29, 2012 by Beruthiel in Brain Dump, Deep Thoughts

5 responses to “Thoughts on Respect

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  1. You made this post because you felt an event of some kind has removed something of value to you in your life, and you are trying to justify it, attribute it to a reason and retaliate culprit of this event with something. A emotional response to lost is very typical from a human being, there is nothing wrong with it. How ever, stemming any decision, justification or retribution based on an emotional response is a choice made by people that lacks empirical and logical reasoning.

    Which brings us to the stem of this post, the lost of respect that you had for certain individual because of some event the said individual have conducted. Publicly stating your loss of respect for the a individual is an act of retribution of some sort to evoke some type of negative emotion in that person and negative stigma on that person from a 3rd party. You did this because you see no other ways to retaliate against that individual, you seek to comfort yourself in by trying to justify that you are the better person. However, your emotions have blinded you from the simple obvious reality, that your only brought yourself to their level and fought fire with fire.

    Long story short, EMO post makes you look just as bad. If you value respect from others, then post something that gains it. This post does not make you the better person, in fact it makes you just as disrespectful and egoistic. And If you truly don’t want to spend any additional time or thought about those people you lost respect to, don’t respond to me, remove your above post.

    • You obviously haven’t been following my blog for very long, if you do not know that this blog is largely a brain dump for my thoughts, regardless of topic or applicability to WoW.

      I only have a few rules with regards to comments left here. 1) Never tell me what I should, or should not, write about in my space; and 2) be respectful.

      You have managed to break both of the rules that I’ve set in one fell swoop; and subsequently, my Canadian friend, have lost the right to offer further commentary as a result.

      I’m not sorry that you didn’t like what I had to say. In fact, I would have encouraged you to stop reading of you didn’t care for it, or even had you refrain from making your disparaging remarks. This is, first and foremost, MY space. If I want to be “emo” or, a giant fuckng mess of emotions a la Bette Midler Beaches in proportion, it is MY right to do so – just as it is your right to feel that “this is one loony, pms-ing, over emotional bitch that I don’t care to read anymore”. However, it is most certainly NOT your right to come and be disrespectful and shit all over my feelings in MY little corner of the Internet.

      Oh, and for the record, had I TRULY wanted to be retaliatory, I would have had zero issues discussing exactly what happened and who was involved, as any long time reader of this blog is well aware. This post was more of a brain dump getting things out of my head as I am wont to do in this space. And I do not regret that, will not apologize for that, and most certainly won’t “just remove this post”.

  2. Owned
    Forum trolls should go back to the forums.
    I am sorry to see that something has occurred in your life to cause you pain. I hope that what ever it is, it will be resolved soon.
    You and this blog have earned my respect a long time ago.
    Keep up the great work.

  3. Respect’s a pretty important thing. While I don’t know the circumstances in which people have lost your respect, from general life experiences I’m inclined to agree with you on most of the points and add that my huge bugbear is people who don’t accept responsibility for their mistakes. I’d also argue that there are some people out there who are likely to question themselves about things, even if they’re completely innocent in the situation in question, due to the fact that they look to themselves first regarding problems. I tend to prefer these people because they are more likely to admit their errors. Regarding the quitting, I usually have full respect when someone has tried, and tried as we each have different strengths and weaknesses – or walks away from a situation because they’ve had enough of a person’s actions and lack of respect for them. Having only recently learned the value of knowing where to draw a line, I can appreciate that sometimes it’s the best option. Sometimes you have to walk away for your own sake. I would also like to note that these are purely observations overall from my own life and don’t have any bearing on your experiences or in-game situation.

    While our reasons for lack of respect may vary, one thing does remain the same throughout. If you care about people, and they act in a manner which loses your respect, it hurts in one way or another, be it disappointment, anger, frustration, you name the emotion. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such an experience recently. I’m glad you’re surrounded by people who have earned your respect. And respect to you for concentrating on the positive in the situation!

  4. Hi Beru,

    Long time follower, never poster. I have to say your posts always seem to be timely for me, including this one. Thank you for Brain dumping and in so validating my own feelings. It is nice to know that others are facing similar things and feeling the same way.

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