“A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow.”
I’ve had a few things running through my mind lately, so I thought I’d get them out of my head so that maybe they would stop picking at my brain and give it some rest! These are just my random thoughts, thrown together in a random fashion, likely in the same jumbled fashion that they are floating around in my head!
The Lich King
1.2% That was our wipe last night in our 25 man raid. He’s a goner soon, no doubt about it. But why does it always have to be the 1% wipe? I’m actually pretty excited about this. Even if we don’t snag the kill tonight, for whatever reason, he has been put on notice. I’ve been incredibly proud of our guild progress this expansion. Sure, maybe we are “months behind” on some things, but we’ve actually done just about everything available in the game thus far. Overall, I think we are in a pretty good place as a guild, and that makes me happy.
It’s our gift, and our bane. We offer very flexible attendance to our raiders, because we draw exclusively from an adult fanbase. With that means that there are adult responsibilities that our members but attend to that will take precedence over the game. And I’m OK with that. But sometimes they all hit at once and it can be stressful trying to pull a raid together. We are fortunate to have a large friends and family core to draw from when we are short people, and rarely have to call a raid. But there are nights when I look at our absentee posts and my stomach twists. I know it’s not my fault, it’s nobody’s fault. But I do feel a personal responsibility to keep things flowing smoothly. We do well, but it isn’t always without some amount of stress on my end!
However, with Spring Break and vacations occupying people’s time, topped with it being close to the end of tax season and the last minute OH GOD tax panic, both personal and professional, these past two weeks have been very slim for filling raids! Most nights we’ve run with fewer healers than usual, and a few friends filling in some DPS roles (or just running at 23/24 raiders). We’ve made some good accomplishments, and I am always very grateful how understanding people are, and how helpful our non-progression team is when we ask if anyone is interested in filling the open spots.
Alas, my least favorite chore. I hate recruiting more than just about anything else! We find ourselves in need of a healer, as the result of one of ours having ongoing, and seemingly unresolveable, internet issues. It happens, and I’ve probably put off filling the position for longer than I should have. So that being said, I’m looking for one healer, preferably a Disc Priest but might consider a very skilled Holy Paladin as well. We are also looking for one exceptional warlock to add to our ranks.
Did I mention how much I hate recruiting?
We’ve actually been chugging along on our 10 man hard mode work, which is nice. We are now 7/12, snagging two new hardmodes on Friday night. I’ve genuinely had a really good time with these over the past few weeks. The group of folks that have been interested in running them has been a lot of fun, and we’ve been ticking through them at a pretty good pace. We are hoping to get another end wing boss and Valithria in this weekend’s run!
I’ve been popping about on my hunter here and there. I’m close to nicking level 71…and I’m pretty sure that will, if he hasn’t already, surpassed me! But that’s only because I’ve been enjoying my baby druid. She’s up to level 28, although I must express my complete and total annoyance with the “satchel of helpful goods”. Hi…there are lots of druids out there who aren’t feral! Some caster gear would be quite “helpful”, and very much appreciated. Thanks.
This is something that I’ve actually been giving a lot of thought to lately, and has been playing on my mind with some frequency. I’ve been giving a good bit of thought to transferring my baby druid back to my home server.
It’s not that I don’t care for the people, necessarily. It’s not that I don’t care for the environment, necessarily. It’s not that it’s a bad concept or idea, necessarily.
However, when I’m online over there, a few glaring things become very obviously aware to me:
· I am not an overly social person. Sure, I can be chatty. Sure, I can show the proper social graces that my mother raised me with. But, I find that I’m a bit of a loner who prefers to have a close knit social group that I can share my thoughts and opinions with rather than a giant room of strangers. And even though there are any number of people online at any given time with SAN, my loneliness while I am there is only amplified. People aren’t unfriendly, or rude, but I find myself curling into my shell and not really participating in the conversation…or just speaking to those that I am comfortable with in tells. (And I do enjoy those conversations immensely).
Perhaps this is my own fault for not being as outgoing as I could be, for just questing along in solitude. Because by no means do I go out of my way to make a place for myself. Why? Because I feel out of place, and I am perfectly comfortable just minding my own business and quietly going about my way. I don’t really know many of these people, and I find that makes me fairly shy. I mean…the other day I was planning on trying to cook bacon in the oven, as opposed to a fry pan, because I had this really delicious thick cut bacon from the meat counter at Whole Foods and it makes such an awful mess to fry it up. So I asked in guild chat if anyone had ever tried this method of cooking bacon before…and there were crickets. No, Really. Eventually someone spoke up with a “um…no”, and there were maybe 4 lines of discussion about why you would cook bacon in the oven over a fry pan. But, it was like my question or topic was just…out of place. One of those comments that someone makes that causes everyone to stop talking, turn and look at you like you’ve 4 heads, and then starts chattering once again as if the comment was never made.
It’s quite possible that had I asked the question at a different time, with a different group of people that were online the reaction would have been different, but the thing is…had I asked that question in my guild any number of people probably would have opined on the topic, regardless of if they had had any actual experiences cooking bacon in the oven or not! And perhaps that is it. Perhaps I am just used to my guild, my people, my comfort zone and I don’t like stepping out of it. Perhaps it’s just me. I don’t know.
· The best thing about the guild is also the worst thing about the guild. That is to say that everyone has an opinion…and nobody is afraid to share it, often with disregard or respect of others thoughts, opinions, or feelings. I’ve witnessed, and been part of, a number of highly opinionated conversations where the parties involved are so unmovable in their opinions that the entire conversation is completely pointless, because you aren’t going to have a conversation.
That’s fine and I suppose a bit to be expected. However, I run a guild. I deal with stubbornness and sifting through conflicting thoughts and opinions and trying to smooth the road constantly. This is/was a nice escape from that. But it’s not, really. It’s just different people. More opinionated people. Lots of opinionated people. People with more thoughts. And while those thoughts can be expressed well on a Blog, when folks are expressing them contemporaneously, they aren’t always as well thought through…and sometimes come out a bit wrong. And honestly, I think some people are controversial just to be controversial. To raise eyebrows. It’s really not the humble meeting of the minds that it was the first few nights, now that everyone is settled in…and I find that a little bit disappointing.
Mostly, I find myself just tuning guild chat out and enveloping myself in solitude. And honestly, I can do that on my own server…where I can spoil my alt endlessly with heirlooms and gold, and epic flight form…
So I find myself wondering what it is I’m doing. I want very much to be part of the community, but I’m not entirely sure that this is the best way for me to be part of the community. I enjoy blogging, I enjoy reading others blogs, and I largely enjoy the community. But when I log in at SAN, I don’t feel part of that community, per se. I truly think this may very much be a “it’s not you, it’s me” sort of thing.
· I’m already a member of a very active guild, both during raids and outside of raids. My guild takes up a lot of my time, and so I don’t have an abundance of time to participate with SAN. That coupled with the fact that I do feel somewhat out of place while I am there have been nagging at me a little. I can’t quite place my finger on it, other than to know that there are a handful of people that I really enjoy while I am online, and then a whole lot of people that I just don’t know. That I don’t have the time to get to know, because of my other commitments. And in part, that makes me feel a little bit like a stranger, looking through the glass at something that I am just on the outside of.
I can’t help but wonder if the EU-SAN is quite different from the American SAN.
· The Role-play Server aspect of it really has me thrown through a bit of a loop, which has been escalated by recent happenings in the blogging community. I do not, and have never, really had any interest in Role Play. I feel a connection to my characters, maybe as I play them I wonder what their back story might involve. But I have never fully developed a character to an extent that would be sufficient to someone that takes the role play aspect of the game far more seriously than myself…and I don’t really want to.
The other day while I was questing in Ashenvale, I came across a couple that was questing (a hunter and a priest), and as I was moving by one of them leveled. And being the friendly person that I am, I stopped briefly, did a /cheer, and I buffed the two of them and went about my way. A little bit later, I found the priest in a good bit of trouble, with her hunter not to be seen, and so I stopped and helped her shore up her mobs. But after the fact, I wondered if those things were acceptable behaviors. Neither party gave any indication that I even existed. No nod of gratitude, no emote thanking me for helping. And I thought, perhaps I just committed a faux paux. Perhaps I just broke the rules.
I’m really struggling. I don’t want to feel that by leaving, I am giving up on being part of the community, and I do want to see the project out. But on the same token, I don’t know that by being there I feel as if I were part of the community either. I think that for now, at least, I am going to stay and try to be a little bit more open, a little more outgoing, make a bigger effort to “fit in” and not be such a longer. I am going to see if those things help. It isn’t as if I am not enjoying myself, and I truly enjoy talking with some other bloggers privately about things that have been addling my mind. However, sometimes I do miss my guild. I miss being able to be snarky and having people know that it’s snark, and not my personality. I miss being able to ask about cooking bacon and not feeling like I’ve thrown the conversation off. Maybe I’m just “homesick”, and I need to call my GM to come take me home because I need to sleep in my own bed.
I don’t know, perhaps it’s just me having these experiences. Does anyone else feel this way at all?
Playing Less WoW
So this weekend, I spent a good bit of time reading. I started the “In Death” series by JD Robb, and I’m really enjoying them. They are devilishly addictive. It means that I wasn’t online quite as much, but it was also a nice, refreshing break from my usual pastime sitting in front of the computer. However, there are some 29 books in the series! My pocketbook is already cringing.
I also grilled this weekend. I was pondering the “if we didn’t play so much WoW” or “if we didn’t raid” question with Brade this weekend. I’d bet we’d cook more…and it would be fun. But, I also bet that we’d watch more TV and play more console games. Neither of us do well with being bored. Which is a large part of why we WoW so much, it engages us. But…from time to time, it’s nice to be engaged by other things as well J
I wish they’d announce the damn release date already. But every time I think about Cataclysm, I can’t help but wonder how long I will be playing WoW. Which expansion will I decide that my time is done? Clearly it’s not Cataclysm, because I find myself excited about it. I’m already making plans for the expansion. But every expansion brings the question, does it not?
I also what, if any, change we should make as a guild. Should we cut back to three raid nights, but have a far more strict attendance and performance requirement? Should we leave things as they are? Who is going to want to switch mains? How are we going to decide the new guild features? Will I like the changes be implemented?
So many questions! So few answers! I really need to find and polish my crystal ball!
And those are the rambling thoughts that have been plaguing my mind the past few days. Thoughts that are just floating and swimming about, nibbling here and there. Thoughts that I don’t have answers to, and that perhaps don’t even need to be answered. Perhaps some thoughts are just meant to be thrown about to be nibbled on, and never require resolution.
Please feel free to share if you have any thoughts on my thoughts. Or if you have any rambling thoughts that you’d just like to put out there as well! J