Archive for the ‘/rant’ Category

Shift This   52 comments

Today started like any other.  I woke up, came to work, sat down to read some WoW news, sort through my feedreader – you know, all that good “must do before I can actually work” stuff.  And during that process, I came across something that made me make the following comment on Twitter:

I’ve been a druid for almost seven years, and nothing makes me consider a “reroll” more than statements like this: “where the Druid would need to switch between healing and DPS”.  I don’t understand what is so wrong with just wanting to heal? Why this constant feel that this “hybrid” theory be pushed on us?

Ok, that was actually more like three tweets, but I’ll just let you imagine that there were breakpoints every 140 letters.  Anyhow, this comment started conversation between Derwent, Jarre and myself.  Honestly, we probably would have been better served to have hooked up in gchat or vent and just pow-wowed, because let’s be honest – trying to have a meaningful conversation in 140 characters is borderline painful.  Anyhow, the three of us spent some time discussing (read: bitching, moaning and doomsdaying) about the (very early and nowhere near finalized) direction Blizzard seems to be pushing druids with Mists of Pandaria.

Before I go any further I feel it is important to stop here, remind everyone that both Derwent and Jarre are very intelligent individuals – and I think I tend to use the bit of mush between my ears from time to time.  We are all well aware that nothing is final.  We are all well aware that everything can change.  No one is screaming that the world is ending, the sky is falling or that we are running out and cancelling our WoW subscriptions.  However, from time to time, intelligent people with similar interests get together to have intelligent conversations about things.  And in most circles, this is considered healthy.  I don’t think that there is anything wrong with three intelligent people analyzing the direction of our class, even if it is with a healthy dose of speculation.

Ok, now that I’ve got that out-of-the-way, let’s continue with where I was going shall we? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted November 10, 2011 by Beruthiel in /rant, Deep Thoughts, Druid Healing, MoP

Consistency, Please.   60 comments

Today I’d like to address a problem that has been plaguing us since the conversion to 25 man raids from 40 man raids back at the start of The Burning Crusade.  Something that has been frustrating not only as a healer, but as a raid leader as well.  The problem: consistent healing requirements (or lack thereof) through content.

When I walked uphill both ways to Molten Core, setting up your healing roster was simple: 5 Priests, 5 Druids, 5 Shaman.  15 slots of your 40 were dedicated to your healing team.  Or, put mathematically, 37.5% of your raid roster was allocated to healers.  As guild’s made the transition from 40 people to 25, somewhere that percentage got jumbled.

When The Burning Crusade started, I think it was fairly common to run an 8 healer roster for most encounters.  Broken down, you just took two of each class – at least until you got to Sunwell, and half of your healers had to reroll Shaman.  Most encounters could be done plus or minus a healer, and most raids were run with 7-9 depending on the encounter.  In fact, I think the only encounter that really favored 9 was Illidan, and even then, only while learning the fight.  I have memories of our Feral druids having to respec Resto on nights when we were short healers.

However, I think the average was probably 7-8 healers for most raid teams.  Or, put mathematically, ~32% of your raid.  A slight decline, but nothing that was too out of whack.

The introduction of Wrath of the Lich King – and more specifically, the content patch that introduced Ulduar, is where I think things started to go amiss, especially with hard modes coming forth in earnest.  You were required to have a deep healing roster, because you had fights like Heroic Freya where you took eight healers to meet the damage requirements.  But then you had fights like Heroic Hodir, where we three healed our first kill.  The rest of the zone was somewhere in between – with no level of consistency.  5 healers for Yogg, 8 healers for Thorim, 6 for XT.  As you cleared through the zone, no two fights had the same requirement, and your healing team was constantly adjusting to the requirements of the encounter.

In simpler terms you ranged from needing between 12% and 32% of your raid being allocated to healers.

As we entered Cataclysm, I had hoped that this would be somewhat alleviated.  And for most of T11, I felt it was – at least a bit.  We ran most of our T11 content with 7 healers.  We dropped to 6 for Heroic Cho’gall, Nef and Sinestra.  And we ran 8 for pre-nerf Magmaw and Chimearon.  But we pretty stubbornly kept 7 of our raid slots allocated to healers throughout the content, at least as much as we could.

And then came Firelands.  We cleared Normal out in a week, using 7 healers for everything.  However, as we approached heroic content, we found that we were once again yo-yoing healers.  We 7 healed Heroic Shannox, because we could.  But we had to drop down to 6 for Alysrazor and Rhyolith.  Back up to 7 for Beth’tilac.  Down to 5 for Baleroc and Staghelm.  And we are now finding ourselves at 4 healers for Heroic Ragnaros.  We are again jockeying between 14% and 28% of our raid team for healers.

And it sucks.

The Problem with “Off Spec” DPS

I am sure that some of the people who read this post are going to say “well, that’s what Dual Specs are for”.   Only, it’s not really the elegant solution that certain people think that it is.  Let me see if I can explain why.  For starters, people who join a raid to heal, generally want to heal.  It’s where they feel they are strongest.  It’s their comfort zone.  And most importantly, it’s what they find fun.  Which is, consequently, why they are doing it.

Secondly, healing is a very different beast to DPSing.  Many of the base mechanics of what you do as a healer have little or nothing to do with what you do as a DPS.  People who aren’t comfortable at DPS, of find DPSing natural to them, are going to flail a bit when it comes to having to DPS.  They aren’t necessarily going to be the same caliber player in a spec and role that they aren’t comfortable performing.  It’s frustrating.  Being strong DPS takes dedication and practice.  Just because you are an amazing Bicyclist, doesn’t mean that you can hop on a Unicycle and not fall off.  It’s a completely different game, and not everyone will excel at it.  Which in turn means that if you are having to sit healers to bolster DPS, you are likely better bringing in a full member of your DPS team than asking a healer uncomfortable in their DPS spec to swap specs.

The worst part of this is that the only way to get better is by doing.  Which means that they have to do something that they don’t particularly enjoy just so that they aren’t a liability when asked to fill that role.  Which means that they have to spend even less time doing what they truly want to do (healing), just so they can get better at something they don’t really want to be doing (DPSing).  It’s a very nasty catch 22.

Thirdly, there is always going to be a gear discrepancy.  I always keep a full balance set.  But it’s always behind our full time DPS.  For starters, I don’t get my set bonuses until I have all of my resto gear, and I just got my four piece moonkin bonus last night.  And of those four pieces, only one is heroic quality.  The rest of my gear is a mish-mash of resto gear, and gear that I can throw together outside of raids through rep rewards of valor point purchases.  Occasionally I may get a DPS upgrade in a raid, but they are rare because healers aren’t going to be awarded DPS gear over a main spec DPS.  Which, in turn, means that my DPS gear isn’t always the best optimized, and it’s generally at least half a tier behind.  This means that even if I can do awesome DPS – I’m likely still not going to be able to pull the same numbers of an equally skilled person in their better, main spec gear.  Again, meaning that it would be more beneficial to the raid to bring in that player over me in a DPS spot.

Lastly, it can be a very demoralizing experience that can eventually break people.  People in competitive raid teams want to be competitive.  They want to do their best.  They want to be performers.  And if they are constantly at the bottom, in their off spec role, it will eventually get to them.  As can comments that are meant to be a joke, or even comments meant to be helpful, about their performance in their off spec.  The other night I bit the bullet and DPS’d for Heroic Staghelm.  It was my first time for that fight in that role.  I was mildly competitive with some of our lower DPS – but when push came to shove, at the end I beat the tank.  I’m one of our top performers as a healer – and what I got to say about my undergeared, and uncomfortable performance as DPS was “Hey!  I beat the tank…at least”.  Frankly, I was embarrassed.

We have a resto druid that’s been playing moonkin for 3/4ths of our raid time for the past month as we push heroic Rag, who I am positive has been in tears on the other side of her computer on more than one occasion in that time.  She is trying her ass off, I don’t have a doubt in my mind about that.  But when push comes to shove, she’s not comfortable with the spec, and as a guild we are asking her to do something she’s not comfortable with for the success of the raid for an extended period of time.  And she’s a champ and doing it – but I don’t doubt that she feels miserable many of our raid nights.  In fact, I know that she feels like she’s a detriment, because she’s told me she feels that way and has openly offered to sit out for someone who will do more DPS.

And you know what?  It makes me feel like shit to know that she’s uncomfortable and borderline miserable for 3 of our 4 raid nights.  And yet here I am asking her to keep her chin up and keep trucking along…because I can only bring four fucking healers into the fight and I value her too much as a player and asset to our raid team for her to miss the kill.

The inconsistency is unfair to players.

In the end, it’s the players that suffer when there are such huge swings of inconsistency in what a raid requires to succeed.  It’s the raid leaders who have to determine which healers to bench fight after fight.  It’s the healers who have to attempt to learn to be comfortable and viable as a DPS, something that very few raiders have asked of them.  It’s the raids that have to build a deeper DPS bench so that they can accommodate fights that need a fraction of the healers as others, and conversely have to be benched when a fight needs more healers to succeed.

In the end, it would be amazing if the development team could pick a set number of healers that they think should be viable for every encounter.  I don’t care if that number is 5, 6, 7 or 8.  I’d just like to stop having to constantly adjust to meet the demands of an encounter.  I’d like to be able to build a healing roster and know that I’m not going to have to bench half of them (or offspec them) for several of the encounters in a content tier.  I’d just like a little consistency.  And I don’t think that it’s too much to ask.

Posted October 11, 2011 by Beruthiel in /rant, Healing, Raiding

Under Pressure   11 comments

Let’s get a little personal today.  I’m going to talk to you a little bit about work. It’s something I don’t really do because I try to bifurcate my personal life and my professional life so that they don’t intersect with each other outside of the office.  But I think there are some similarities with recent events that have occurred in both that I think are illustrative of a challenge that I’ve been handed since the nerfs with regards to raiding. Read the rest of this entry »

A Small Update on My Hands   10 comments

I finally heard back from my doctor yesterday regarding the blood work that was done over a month ago testing for Rheumatoid Arthritis.  The tests showed that certain things were “high”, but not definitive enough to state that Rheumatoid Arthritis is the problem.  However, because it was inconclusive, I have been referred to a specialist and have an appointment on Wednesday.  I am so relieved, you have no idea.

After have done some research on the type of specialist, and reading what I could, I have learned a few things.  The problem that I am having is not going to be easy to diagnose, and it may take several visits and trial/error things before we know what’s causing my pain and can look for a solution.  Rhuematologists do more than arthritis – they do an extra three years of medical training in the diagnosis and treatment of joint and soft tissue maladies.  In addition to arthritis, they also are “experts” in things like fibromyalgia and tendonitis.

Needless to say I am thrilled to finally get to a doctor that is going to understand the pain that I have and is hopefully going to be able to help find solutions to help relieve it.  Also, somewhat needless to say, I am in the market for a new primary care physician.  The length of time it took for my doctor to get back to me and refer me to a specialist was unacceptable.  She had my test results on June 30th, and signed off on them at that time.  Yet it took another full month for an assistant – not even her – to call me, and only after I called to inquire about them (and even then it took another three business days before I was called).  This was the last of many things that have drove me to this decision, but it was the one that finally pushed me to make a change.  As such, if you happen to know of any great doctors in the Seattle/Redmond area, I’d love to hear about them.  I got a few great suggestions from Twitter yesterday that I’m checking out, but I want to explore all of my options!

As for my hands, I took a picture this morning.  It’s a little hard to see some of the swelling – but I thought I’d let you see what you could (and if nothing else, you can look and go “god Beru, manicures – have you heard of them?!). The swelling is the least in the morning, and only grows worse throughout the day, with the worst being in the evenings, often regardless of if I’ve spent 3 hours or 30 minutes at the keyboard.

So probably the most obvious thing that you can see is the swelling in the knuckles on my fingers. They get so big at times that when I type or do other things with my hands my knuckles actually knock into each other. You can see some of the swelling in the soft tissue of my fingers, but not much. Where I have the sharpest pain is between where my finger meets my hand and that first knuckle.

What is harder to see is that the top of my hand also swells. With the soft tissue surrounding the knuckles on the top of my hand sometimes doubling in size. The top of my hand never has sharp pain, but lately has sometimes taken to have a burning sensation. Sometimes my hands feel very cold and sometimes they tingle just a little, and I’m not even sure that “tingle” is the best description for the feeling. I do not believe that I have numbness.

Advil and the Topricin that I use can stunt the swelling some, but never completely alleviates it.

I never have wrist pain. I never have elbow pain. I never have shoulder pain. It is always only just my hands.

Hopefully I’ll have some answers on Wednesday. Or at least a better way to deal with the pain, and a path/plan to work through what is causing the pain. At the very least I’ll know that we are working on a better solution.

As soon as I learn more, I will offer another update! Until then, you’ll be glad to know that I finally got some video of Heroic Shannox that I’m comfortable using for a guide – even if the riplimb tank died at 8% and his dog ate my face at 2%. BAD DOG! ;)

Voted Out.   64 comments

I spent some time yesterday running instances with Elentari.  She’d recently hit 85 and was all shiny and ready to hit heroics.  I ran her through Ahune the Frost Lord (hello haste cloak!) and then thought “I have time to run my daily heroic” and queued up.  I notice that healers have the call to arms buff (or whatever it’s called) and figured that I shouldn’t have to wait too terribly long for my queue to pop up and get started.

Sure enough, within a couple of minute my queue flashes up on my screen and I find myself looking at the Grim Batol loading bar.  Now, this instance can be a nightmare if the group is careless/doesn’t know what they are doing, but I’m down with it.  I mean, I’m a fresh 85, but it’s not as if I don’t have experience healing this zone as a new druid.  We start the instance and the third pull the tank falls off the edge.  I have no idea how this happened, but there you have it.  Of course, PuGs are now too good to use CC *ahem*, so all of the mobs are running rampant and we naturally wipe.

Read the rest of this entry »

Posted June 23, 2011 by Beruthiel in /rant, /shame, Alt-aholic!, Druid Healing

Monday Musings: Exhausted Edition   15 comments

Folks, I’m tired.  Literally exhausted – as opposed to metaphorically exhausted.  Although I suppose that there is a a little from the later as well.  However, I was up most of the night with a toothache last night and so if I seem slightly incoherent or completely off my rocker, it’s because I’m pretty much fueled on 100% caffeine right now.  I am also craving a calzone, but have no clue where to obtain said desire from my office.  Anyhow, let’s move on to the musings, shall we?

On Raiding

We are currently working through out last Hard Mode – Heroic Ascendant Council.  And I’m going to be brutally honest here, I’ve about had it with the fight.  To the point that I almost don’t even care if we kill the damn thing.  And here’s the kicker – our failing is 100% our lack of execution in phase 2.  I find that I’m completely out of words to say to people short of “please just stop fucking up and pay attention to what is going on around you, because if you fail this mechanic one more time, I swear to christ I’m going to reach through my monitor and chew your ass in person”.

I mean, I’m at a loss.  The second phase of the encounter is 100% about personal responsibility – and there is no one that can control that aside from the player responsible.  And it’s frustrating the ever living hell out of me.  And you know what, I’m going to just go ahead and say it: phase 2 of this fight is just fucking stupid.  There.  That felt pretty good.  I get that fights should be challenging – and I enjoy that.  But there gets to be a point where too much is too much, and encounters cross the line from fun and a “challenge” to ridiculous and frustrating.

I feel that this encounter has reached that point.  Any fight where one person’s error can irreversibly fail your raid, is not fun.  It’s just not.  Should there be consequences for failing a mechanic?  Yes.  Should the failure of one individual cause the entire raid to end up on their ass, and running back for another attempt?  No.  I do think that consequences should be devastating - but I also think that you should have at least a chance, even if it’s tiny, to succeed with strong teamwork should an error occur.  It is not fun for the person struggling with the mechanic (and knowing they were the reason the raid wiped), nor is it fun for the raid.

Not only that, but with Firelands breathing down our neck, I’m feeling incredibly pressured to push us through this monstrosity of a fight (pun intended, har).  And to continue being honest, it’s taking its toll on me and I’ve found myself not only growing increasingly negative – but becoming a person that I don’t like in the process.  After last night’s raid, I literally needed to step back and re-ground myself.  Remind myself of my own goals, who I am as a person – and how I want to be as a leader. 

I’m all ears if anyone has tips or tricks they use to keep people from blowing each other up during Phase 2.  Lord knows I’m neck deep in frost orbs and chain lightning right now. Read the rest of this entry »

ARGH!   12 comments

This is completely not druid related.  Whatsoever.  Actually it’s only tangentially WoW related for that matter.

Last night I finally got footage of Valiona and Theralion to put together a guide video for the encounter (I actually got footage of Nef too – but we lost our add tank about 5% and I was summarily smooshed by the adds, so I canned the footage and figured I’d try next week…which pretty much turned out to be a huge mistake).  I was pretty excited about it and had planned to work on the audio recording tonight when I got home from work.  However, apparently Friday the 13th and my computer had different plans for me.

This morning when I went to log into my computer and check the forums before heading to the officer, my computer completely locked up.  It let me log in just fine.  But then everything froze.  I was able to ctrl-alt-delete and select “task manager”, but once the selection was made everything froze again.  So I restarted my machine.

Only it didn’t restart.

I got an error message telling me that it could not boot and that I needed to insert the boot disc and try again.  Uh.  Okay?  So I simply attempted to restart my machine again.  And got the same error message.  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK.  This is NOT happening.  It just can’t be.  Mostly, because I can’t deal with it happening right now.

But it is.

I got Brade out of bed, as I started to panic, and stated “just so you know if this isn’t fixed when I get home, I’m pretty much going to lose it”.  To which he gave me a look that could only say “are you fucking kidding me woman, I’m not a miracle worker here”.  Which, you know, is fair.  Because he’s not a miracle worker, and pretty much knows less about this shit than I do.  So as I left the house for work, already 10 minutes later than I should have, he was lovingly unplugging SATA and power cables to my hard drives and plugging them back in to see if it was just something loose causing the problems.

It wasn’t.

And so he loaded my PC up into his car so I could come by and pick it up on my way home from work and deliver it to our local computer shop.  Because there was no way I was going to be able to lug that monster alienware case down the stairs to get it to my car.  Hell, I might not even make it from my car to the door – which would have resulted in me having to be a complete weenie and embarrassingly go in and ask one of the repair guys to come and fetch it from my car for me.  

Of course, Brade, knowing that I’m pretty much a ticking bomb with the stress of the upcoming move, let me know that he’s going to try to make time to deliver my broken computer during his lunch for me.  Which means that the computer guys can start diagnosing it faster.  It also means that I don’t have to be that wimpy girl and fail at being able to move my own PC from point A to point B.

Now, my biggest fear is that my hard drive is fried.  Not that I can’t replace it, because that’s really not going to be a huge deal.  In fact, I can get a bigger, faster hard drive in its place, which would be cool.  But rather because I haven’t backed up anything on that hard drive…ever.  Yup, I’ve 250 gigs of un-backed up shit.  You see, this PC didn’t agree with my ancient external hard drive, and I was pretty much too cheap/lazy to get a new external for back up purposes – and thus I have no external drive holding all my precious shit that I don’t want to lose.  So if my hard drive is toast (which I’m really hoping isn’t the case), I’m going to have to pray that the geniuses at the computer shop and recover some of my data.  I am also going to be swinging by costco tonight and picking up that 1tb external for seventy bucks that I’ve been looking at for the past two months and saying “you know, I really should pick one of these up in case something ever happens to my machine”.

But that?  That’s not even the WORST of it.  No, the worst of it is that in preparation for the move, I’ve already packed all of my back up discs and programs.  Yes, they are now living in one of probably half a dozen different boxes.  So if the issue is a kaput hard drive, I’m going to have to go unpack in order to get my machine set back up again.  My windows discs, my office discs, photoshop, vegas, etc.  And I’m going to have to redownload FRAPS and that program that found after searching google that let me extract and read .ogg files.  Set up filezilla again so I can upload onto the server hosting the guild website – and pray I took good notes for which passwords went with which thing.  Not to mention that I will have to re-install vent, which means trying to recall exactly wtf my administrator password is.

So, as you can see, pretty much just a huge fucking mess.  That I pretty much can’t really deal with right now.  I mean, obviously I can, but really?  Not so much.

At least I’ve got a laptop that is almost as powerful as my desktop to work with in the interim?  The silver lining, I suppose?

But it also means no Valiona video until the repair guys are done holding my machine hostage and I can get everything back up and running again. :(

/sigh

Posted May 13, 2011 by Beruthiel in /rant

It’s Easy To Forget   12 comments

It’s easy to forget that there is a person with feelings on the other side of the avatar.
It’s easy to forget that you often have no idea what’s going on in someone’s life outside of the game.
It’s easy to forget that lack of insight means that you don’t always know how someone’s going to react.
It’s easy to forget that even the thickest skin still has soft spots.
It’s easy to forget that many times you should think about what you say before you say it.
It’s easy to forget that text doesn’t always translate well.
It’s easy to forget that people generally don’t like an asshole.
It’s easy to forget that often times people have the best intentions.
It’s easy to forget that cattiness wears people thin.
It’s easy to forget that sarcasm is often missed.
It’s easy to forget that discussion is healthy.
It’s easy to forget that compromise often leads to success.
It’s easy to forget that things don’t always go as planned.
It’s easy to forget that everyone makes mistakes, some are just more visible than others.
It’s easy to forget the good and remember only the bad.
It’s easy to forget that sometimes it’s incredibly lonely at the top.
It’s easy to forget that often times those that work the hardest are also the most underappreciated.

Posted May 3, 2011 by Beruthiel in /rant

Monday Musings: There Are Squirrels in the Walls Edition   7 comments

On Being Completely Off-Topic – Most of today’s musings don’t have much of anything to do with WoW, so if you came here looking for something druid, or WoW, related you may want to check back tomorrow!  Today I’m going to talk about the family of squirrels that have been living in the wall of our apartment. 

This whole Squirrel Saga started back on April 1st – which is oddly fitting when you come to think of it.  You see Brade heard what he thought was a squirrel fall down our chimney.  We called the office to inform them that a live squirrel was in our chimney only to be repeatedly told “sorry, we can’t do anything about it until Monday”.  After listening to it bang around and cry for 24 hours, we decided that “waiting until Monday” was insufficient.

The long story short – Brade and I ended up contacting someone to come out and remove the squirrel from the chimney.  Only to find out that it’s not a squirrel that had fallen down our chimney – a momma squirrel had gotten into the wall behind the chimney and had nested.  So there was now a momma squirrel and 3-4 baby squirrels living in the wall behind our chimney.  The banging we heard were the baby squirrels moving around, and the crying we heard were them letting momma know that they were hungry.

Somewhat dissatisfied with how things had gone to date, we figured we’d just get it resolved quickly so that we can move along with our lives.  Only that didn’t happen.  Not only did that not happen, but on my first call with our apartment’s management the woman made me so angry that I immediately called Brade and told him that I wanted to move.  I hate moving.

He told me to wait a day and see how I felt then.

So I waited a day.  In fact, I waited over a week and a half to hear back from the apartment management (who was going to contact me “tomorrow”) on how they were going to resolve this issue.  And still, we heard nothing from them.  Finally Brade called them – deciding that almost two weeks was pretty much sufficient time for them to have gotten back to us.  And after that phone call calm, level headed Brade called me to advise me that “that woman” (the apartment management) was “a piece of work”.   Not only did she deal with him poorly – but she actually hung up on him.  HUNG UP.  On a four year tenant.

Many phone calls later, including a conference call with the apartment management and a conference call to the corporate office, everything is still pretty much unresolved.  Well, that is not entirely true.  Brade and I pretty much resolved to move.  And now, 17 days after the original incident, our resolve to move is still pretty much the only thing that has been sorted out.

We went out this weekend and searched high and low for a new place to call “home” and were fortunate enough to  find a new place (squirrel free!  and with 24 hours maintenance 7 days a week!), where we will be moving at the end of May.  (Oh God – the packing).

Why am I telling you this?  Partly because the saga of the Squirrel has been dominating my life for the past 17 days.  (No, really, it’s driving me nuts!).  But mostly because I wanted to let you know that if I’m somewhat sporadic over the next month it’s because I’m packing, scheduling the appropriate appointments, and pretty much in a constant state of panic about the upcoming move. 

If you email me, it may take me longer than usual to get back to you, so please don’t be offended!  The same will probably go for replying to comments the closer it gets to our move date.  Also if I seem grouchier than usual – don’t take it personally!  Just blame the damn squirrels!

(Oh, I suppose there is some WoW thoughts after the break…if you’ve made it with me this far!) Read the rest of this entry »

Posted April 18, 2011 by Beruthiel in /rant, Guest Post, Off-Topic, Raiding

A Little Elbow Grease   11 comments

When I was a kid my parents had the Easter Bunny deliver me my very first two wheel bike for Easter one year.  They had probably saved for months to be able to afford it, and had likely stayed up until three in the morning assembling it – complete with training wheels, banana seat and flowered basket on the front.  My dad took me out that day and helped me up on it, and watched me wheel around completely in love with the gift.

After a period of time, it was decided that I had become proficient enough that it was time to take the training wheels off of the bike, and let me have a go on my own.  I remember my dad running behind me holding onto the back of the seat as I peddled furiously.  Knowing that he wouldn’t let me fall off the bike, I felt uninhibited.  I was a big girl now, look at me go! 

Of course, it was only a short time after, as I peddling around in a circle around the parking lot, that I looked over and saw my dad on the far side of the lot waving at me.  It took my mind a bit to connect that if Dad was standing over there waving at me, he most definitely wasn’t holding onto the back of the seat anymore and I was riding the “big girl” bike all by myself!  Yes!

Days went by, and then weeks, and I went out and rode my new bike around the parking lot (by myself!) without incident.  Mom or dad, or sometimes even the friendly neighbor lady from upstairs would keep an eye on me and cheer me on as I peddled along, content as could be. 

And then one day it happened.

I mean, it was bound to happen, right?  You dont learn to ride a bike without a scraped knee here and there.  But up to this point, I’d never really fallen off of my bike.  Truth be told, this is probably a very good thing because I’ve always pretty much been a wuss.  However, it was inevitable that at some point I was going to take a spill.  And sure enough, I did.  But not only did I manage to take a spill, I somehow managed to fall into a parked car with a dented bumper (only me…).  A scraggly thing, with sharp edges.

In addition to scraping my knee, I cut a massive gash in my right index finger on the bumper of the parked car.  And it bled.  Profusely.  And I panicked and started screaming, sending my mom, dad and the neighbor lady from upstairs on a mad dash to see what had happened to me.  As parents do, they got me all patched up, and calmed me down.  The cut was bad enough that I still have the scar on my finger to this day – but I also still have my finger

Of course, the entire incident shattered my confidence and I refused to ride my bike again unless my dad would come out with me and make sure I didn’t fall off again.  In fact, I was so terrified of falling off of the bike that I would constantly look over my shoulder to make sure that he was still there and hadn’t pulled his trick shenanigans making me think he was there but really not.

However, as time passed, so did my fear of falling off the bike again.  I regained my confidence and was eventually back to peddling my way to glory all on my own.  To this day I’m still terrified of falling off of my bike, I am still a giant wuss, but those things don’t stop me from getting on a bike.  I didn’t quit just because I fell down, in fact my parents made it a point to make sure I didn’t quit by dusting me off and putting me back on the bike – even if I needed the security of my Dad’s help for a bit.

Hey Beru, great story!  But this is a WoW blog, what exactly does this have to do with anything?

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Posted April 8, 2011 by Beruthiel in /rant, Deep Thoughts, Raid Leadership, Raiding

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